"Somehow the salty air just soothes her soul, says it makes her whole..."
so, something good is happening to me these days.
and this time, i might just let it happen.
so this may not seem very important.
but i was REALLY excited.
chad laws called us today.
in january i applied for the north carolina DARE representative.
there were 32 applicants.
this means that i would basically represent all of north carolina and all the DARE chapters.
well he called today and said:
hi meredith, so tell me how it feels to be the new north carolina DARE representative?!?!?
needless to say, i was stoked. i seriously started jumping up and down.
i get to go to places like quantico, virginia; orlando, florida; and some where in new york.
it may not seem like much, but apparently its a pretty big deal.
im reallllllly excited=D
FINALLY something good happened again. its been a LONG may.
its 1am, and i cant sleep.
i cant figure out if this is because :
--i have a million things running through my head after my almost 2 hour conversation with michael.
--i slept all day long, with occasional food&medicine breaks
--my head is THROBBING
its probably a combo of the 3.
but regaurdless, im wide awake.
with plenty of thinking time.
and trying to remember SOME of the events from the past couple days.
it leads me to ask myself though, exactly what IS wrong with me.
is there a reason why i cant just completely trust someone with everything i have?
no matter how much i know they have no intention of hurting me, im still scared.
i depend way too much on logic, and not enough on how i feel.
im basically retarded, is what it all boils down to.
i think for once at least, i did the not selfish thing though.
and i am very proud of myself for that.
considering, well. im selfish, and spoiled, and untrusting.
and thats all come out in the past couple days, from what ive heard.
i talked to the "Big Guy" about it tonight.
and i basically realized that that's okay for me right now.
im okay with the fact that im like that.
the reason why its okay?
because im trying to change that, from what i remember.
and that's what's important to Him.
and if thats not okay with people, well, then im sorry.
but its just going to have to be good enough.
i guess i took a step in the right direction in ignoring the fact that i was completely head over heels.
and im sure some of it came from the "im scared, and untrusting" part.
but most of it came from the fact that it was basically the right thing to do.
so bravo to me.
and on that note, im going to lay down again.
so i mean i love when girls punch you in the back of the head during a friendly soccer game for no apparent reason?
which results in spending a night in the emergency room, throwing up.
and eventually to lots of medicines and killer headaches.
and no atheletics for 7 days.
plus you cant forget the "not having any memory of the past couple days" part.
no fears though, my lovely friends have all reminded me of the events that i forgot :
--me and michael broke up.not really sure why, but we did.
--we won the game! 6-0
--i almost scored like 3 times.
--we beat asheboro on monday.
--i had a bad day on tuesday.
--i have to sing this weekend in big church.
and thats pretty much the extent of it.
gee, i love having my entire head ache all day long.
as well as a big knot on the back of my head.
i pray we dont play cedar ridge again.
or i might feel tempted to retaliate the lovely little girl that punched me.
if i can remember which one she was, that is.
this week just gets better and better.